How cunning is addiction?

We are  all  addicted to  something.  It  may  be  to  different  things, but  my  concern is that  bonding. A habit like  any  other,  addiction  begins  either  as a  result of  your  love  for  that particular thing  or  because of some  luring  originating  from  some  external  force. The  attachment  develops,  grows  and  selfstrengthens  with time. By  the  time  we  realize  it, it’s  already  a  strong  and  resilient  thread  that  can’t  be gotten  rid  of  that  easily. 

I tend  to  view  addiction  and  obsession  as  two  alike  things. So, if I  were  to  define  them,  then I’ll  term them  as  a  strong  rebelling  emotion  to  the  urge  of letting  go  of  something  or  someone. 

As  a little  African  boy,  during  early  2000’s, going  to  school and  spending  my  entire  childhood  in the village,  birds  were  my  treasure.  There  is  nothing  that  I  really  enjoyed  more  than  going  out  chasing  after birds. I wasn’t  into  this alone. All  my  friends  had  this  as their habit  too.

  There  wasn’t  any  time  to  waste when school  closed in  the  afternoons,  we’ll  rush  home  and  pull  off  school uniform  and  in  our civilian clothes start  chasing  after  these  beautiful  creatures.  We’d  catch them  with  our  traps and  if big  enough we would assemble,  make  fire  and  roast  them  carefully. And  there  we  had  our  feast. If small,  we  used to rear them.  My  brother  and  I  had  our  own little  cage  for these  little  creatures.  

Our  obsession  could  at times be  accompanied  by  tears rolling  down  our  eyes  whenever  any  of the  birds  broke  free  out  of  our traps or  when  the cat we  had  at  our home  found  itself an easy meal from  it. 

As a grown up  now,  I slowly  find  myself being  preoccupied  by  different things. Coffee  is  one. It  began with one  small  cup  but  now  it’s  a  couple  of big  ones  before  retiring  at  night  and  immediately  I’m  out  of bed.  I take  more  of it  especially  when  my  friends come  check  on  me  or  when  I busy  myself with some writing  to  do  or  reading  or  drawing. It has that  spectacular and  special  taste  that  I keep  thirsting  for.  I believe,  even  more  cups as  time  goes  by. 

But  how  cunning  can  addiction  be? 

If you  had  a  chance  to  confront  that  then  little  boy  out  of  his habit,  you’d  have  sure  made  an  enemy.  My mum did  her best  but  her best  wasn’t really  enough. I  would  at  times  come  home  late. I  would  fail  to take  my  mum’s delicacies.  Her  canning  wasn’t  really  enough  to  have  me  out  of  my  obsession. Come  with your fully  packaged research  on  how  caffeine  contained  in my  coffee  may  be  bad,  trust  me  it  will be almost impossible to  win  me  out.   

There  are  so  many  things that  we  get  ourselves into.  At first, it’s  one  leg but  after some  time  both legs are thrust  in.  Getting  out  can  be  much of  a  burden.  My  home  province  leading  with highest  numbers  of drug  addicts  (cocaine,  heroin, marijuana and  many  others),  the  government’s efforts  to  end  drug  abuse isn’t  enough. The  rehabilitation  centers  stationed at  various constituencies in  our  four counties  are not enough.  

 Being  knowledgeable  of  the  adverse  side  effects, isn’t  enough. Maybe,  contact  with  the  reality  should  be but  why?

 What is  enough  anyway  to  end  addiction? 

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Adapt, ignore…?

I hated being nicknamed.

At some point in our lives, we have been given names following our weaknesses in most cases, or strengths. 

Sometimes we get named probably because of our inability to speak well, our hyper appetite for food, the clothes we wear, people we like associating ourselves with most; generally on the basis of what we do and how we look.

This short vacation I spent it at my rural and it was full of fun by the way. I happened to meet one of my old friend who had once been my classmate too. 

“Man, you’ve really grown up!” That was her first statement. “I know. You too, you are that little girl anymore.”

She went on to ask whether I remembered how they used to call, which I definitely did. 

In my first and second year at high school, I used to be that quiet student. You couldn’t assume my presence that easily. I spent most of my time alone, either reading or hanging around in solitude. Not that I didn’t feel the urge to be around other students, it just occurred that way. So, as a result of my aloneness there I received a new name which I’m still not sure whether I should share out. I think I shouldn’t.

I can still visualize myself during those embarrassing times when someone would call me by that name and I’d assume that nothing had happened. If I was walking then I would proceed on without looking back or sideways. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t end there. My ‘stubbornness’ could not be tolerated.

The voice calling could grow even louder to produce echoes in my ears or with a third-party being involved,”hey, can you inform ‘so-and-so’  beside you that I’m calling him.”

Oh poor boy, I just had to look back!

That was more than enough to have me shrink for almost my entire high school time. Each time I would have this negative self-talk in my mind, ” is  there a chance that what they are saying is true?”

To be honest, I used to feel so small in front of my naysayers.

A number of year down now, though the attachment I used to have to the said ‘me’ has disintegrated, what remains with me are the memories.

With that and many other experiences, I have come to realize that some of that detachment comes with time and some with the realization of the true image of yourself.

Also, I have noticed that this is something that can never end regardless of your social class, the new friends you keep having or the successes you are having.

If you happened to be the president of your your country today, you’d still experience similar challenges or even more worse.

So, how do you then manage in such an environment where critics and setbacks never cease?

Adapt, ignore…?

Obligation or opportunity?

# Opportunity or Obligation?

How consequential is it to focus your mind on the opportunities rather than the price to pay , in the process of accomplishing your dreams and goals?

I think any writer understands how perilous it can be to put all your attention on the pleasures and duties to postpone or drop to just secure some time to sit, think and write. Maybe, it can be setting an hour every evening which means you’ve got to limit the time you go out hanging with friends or slicing the time you spend with your kids. 

Same thing to one who wants to cut off weight and they have their fitness instructor on their necks with a list of their delicacies that they’ll have to drop. 

It’s always how a matter of, ‘where does your focus lie?’

With both situations bearing their own consequences, it depends which one proves stronger than the other. The one which does in turn influences your actions; bailing out or soldiering on.

It is pretty much scary to put all your concentration on the sacrifices to make or the unwelcoming conditions to endure just to consider it a step toward your achievement to be. Results for this is fear which silos up making you feel incompetent or not ready enough to take on a task. Your mind gets filled with all self interrogative questions;

” what will happen if I don’t meet what is required of me?”

“What if I’m just not good enough for the job?”

” what if I fail?”

Your fear for failure creates a lot of unnecessary pressure, mental and bodily strain, and discomfort that eats on most of your energy. The outcome being shooting down of your level of confidence as well as concentration and productivity.

I think this is one of the major ingredients for dissuasion and loss of motivation to trying something new.

On the other side of the page, it is much motivating to keep eying on the opportunities that you stands to chance on. 

Motivation is what keeps the candle inside you burning; a force that nudges you to step out of your comfort zone and and take advantage of evey single day to move a step closer to your dreams and goals. It keeps you interested, determined, committed and resilient enough when the going gets even tougher. 

Set backs never miss out in any undertaking. Whenever you feel like giving up remind yourself of this, that those are just stepping stones, that’s all they are and not tombstones. They are only meant to elevate your level of skillfulness and experience.

Train yourself to focus on the apple and let not the weeding procedures intimidate you!

Rise above your fears.

( From The Godly Chic Diaries)

Sometimes we get so caught up in the fear of things that we forget how strong we can be. We forget about that little light, that force, that magic inside that can help get us through. A journey is not linear. It has lots of twist and turns. It’s convoluted and complex. You will run into rough patches, but that’s all they are, patches. Just stay on your path, so when the hard times are over you will still be where you need to be. For those of us who are still working hard to get to that place. Keep your chin up and trust the process.

 

Be your best friend.

# Be your Best Friend.

We all have people that we feel we can trust and rely on. People who have once, twice or for several times lent us a hand when we fell ; our families or acquaintances. But as much as we think or believe so, the most trusted and loyal person you can ever have in your life is yourself. You are best friend of yourself that you can never have.

That you know you can and you should be your best friend, there is need for you also to understand that it is a prerequisite to establish a good relationship with yourself.

One great way of ensuring this is by spending quality time enriching and endowing yourself with the necessary knowledge by surrounding yourself with the best individuals and best books. What you feed your brain with really matters as far creating a suitable, serene environment with yourself is concerned. 

And like any other good relationship, you need to show appreciation and gratitude. You should be appreciative of who you are and that which you have. This would serve best to cut off self critics that can be result when you look at the best of life your friends have. Also it will help a lot in getting rid of the naysayers.Who enjoys being in the company of one who doesn’t appreciate them anyway? Having said this, I think I’m justified to jump to my next point.

Sometimes, what we want is not always available at the moment  of our great need. Don’t pressure yourself; it’s normal to be lacking. What isn’t normal is doing nothing about it to reverse the situation. You just have to give yourself some time as you work on it.
Avoid unhealthy comparison. We all have different capabilities and so it will be so unfair if you have yourself go for the lowest denominator because of what others have already accomplished. Maybe they have a lot of experience, and you are a start-up, in whichever field you are both in. You cannot be everyone else and you shouldn’t hang yourself by trying to be that way. Don’t try making yourself someone else’s photocopy. You just have be yourself, and unique. 

Do what motivates you. This is one way of exploring your talents and abilities. Focus your energy in making yourself better.

Don’t be hard on yourself whenever you make mistakes. Failure is nothing but a learning experience and you can use that knowledge to help you succeed next time. This’ll help keep your self esteem off the limits.

Relationships are like flowers; if you water them they’ll flourish but if you don’t they’ll wither away. Strengthen the bond between you and yourself. 

Thank you for reading and I hope this article has been of much help to you. Please like and drop your comments on the dialogue box below and make sure to revisit for more insights on living a happy life.

Why you should spend some time alone.

As social beings, it is our nature to find comfort in the company of our families, friends or workmates ; to enjoy the warmth of being surrounded by other people. Myself, one of my happier moments are those I go out with my friends for a ball game or coffee in the evenings. 

It is in such occasions that we happen to learn more by trading our minds, sharing our ideas and even open up and do things that we wouldn’t opt to or even think of in the company of some other people.

However, it is in these same moments that we can have our inner selves confronted with our self esteems going low and our brains running wild.  It is in such occasions, that we sometimes lose focus and forget our self worth.

When we spend all our time with other people we run at a risk of forgetting who we are, our real identity, what we want and begin trying to fit in everyone else’s image of an ideal person. We start trying to be who other people want us to be. We forsake our own lives and start living other people’s.

It is therefore most advisable to spend as much time with yourself as much as you do with others.

 After all the work throughout the day, you are most likely to be feeling so much exhausted and worked out, and you deserve some time in a quite environment to unwind. This will help cool down your mind which has probably been steaming with all kinds of thoughts all through under the pressure to see  everything done. This is the perfect time to relieve yourself of all the stress of the day.

 This can serve a great moment for you to find treasure in who you are, what you have and strategize on what you want; your goals and dreams.Our self worth goes high up the scale dramatically the moment we start being appreciative of ourselves, and this is the best time to do this. This will strongly boost your self esteem.

Spending some good time alone can be a great platform for you to master your emotions better by studying yourself and your reactions in the course of the day.

 You are able to make good use of your imaginative genius which is key  in exploring your abilities and your interests.

  It improves your concentration and also boosts you productivity in your career or profession.

 Your level of creativity shoots up.

 You are able to ponder over the challenges you are probably going through and come up with amicable solutions.

We need to spend some time alone to think.

Success is, are you the best at what you do?

” Success is not where we are today and how much you have or what kind of big position you have. Success is, are you the best at what you do? ” 

        – John Paul Dejoria, founder and owner of John Paul Mitchell Systems.

Well put!

We mostly like viewing success with two metrics; where we are, presently, and how much we have. But this happens to one of the biggest killers of our motivation to accomplish our dreams and goals. This is what makes us feel incompetent and lose trust

On our ability to make things happen.

No one ever feels good seeing themselves progress slowly, so the conclusion is ‘this is so hard for me or I can’t do this.’ Sometimes it takes quite long before we get the results we want, and this, does not say that we are not successful. 

Many people give up at the instant they start worrying about where they currently are and what they have. We all want to see things accelerating very fast in our lives. It’s much like wishing things to happen instead of making them happen.

 As a friend of mine commented on a post I made recently, failure to consider taking baby steps and wanting everything now is where most people miss out.

  You’d rather consider working your guts out everyday, making it your habit to focus your energy to making yourself better at that which you want.