I can feel it in the interlocked hands of couples, with one person holding on so tight that the other doesn’t even have to try. I can feel it in the gaze of a man or woman who looks longingly past their partner to the person on the other side. I can feel it in the couples chasing perfection as they laugh together, but leave when the sadness begins.

I can hear it in the clinking of ice cubes that swirl around dark temptations as thirsty lips drink, until they forget whom they belong to. I can hear it as people move, drowning in a sea of bodies, in a silence so loud that the beating music just isn’t enough. I can hear it in the empty laughter of late nights, as young girls and boys rush past shining street signs to homes of people who will turn into strangers in the morning.
I can see it lurking behind glossy screens trying so hard to be anything but what they really are. I can see it behind frantic fingers that double tap on things that inspire envy, and hover over ghosts of people they are still in love with. I can see it in eyes that cannot sleep and cannot cry, because they are afraid that if they start they will never stop.
I can feel it in the closing walls of cubicles that don’t let the sunshine in. I can feel it in the loud, incessant talking at cafes that have nothing really important to say. I can feel it in flashiness of superficial and materialistic things that will be forgotten, when something shinier comes along.
I can sense it in silence on the dining table of a large family whose mouths are only for eating. I can sense it in the man who sits alone on the park bench, watching his life flash past his eyes. I can sense it in the wrinkled-ness of old age that yearns for the freshness of youth.
I used to think that there was nothing worse than death, but it seems as if we fear our *loneliness* much more than dying. *We are willing to be eaten alive, and to be killed by our loneliness before we have learned to live*. Anything is better than facing the rough edged rawness of our real selves, even the apparent threat of death. *I used to think that loneliness was something that could be overcome and conquered. I used to think that it was something to run away far, far away from, into a land of completeness.*That is,what I used to think.
*I used to think that there was something missing,* until it struck me that loneliness could never be filled.I was wrong.
It is there after you have loved somebody, and have lost them. It is there after you have loved somebody, and still love them. It is there after you have discovered the light, beautiful, creative, divine parts of yourself. It is there after you’ve learned to love the ugly, authentic, dark and terrible parts of yourself. It is there while you are travelling the world, and meeting new faces. It is there while you are home with your family and familiar things.It is there.
It is there, always there, waiting patiently for you to come back to it.
It is there until you recognize that what you were running from was never chasing after you. It is there until you understand that you can choose to fill it with anything you want, your darkest fears and wildest desires. It is there until you stop escaping from it, and start escaping to the taste of freedom. It is there until you realize that the vastness of its space is as big as the universe. It is there until you realize that your loneliness is an ocean of nothingness, and then it simply ceases to exist.
*It is gone when you listen to the silence of your soul speaking to you, and in that moment you know that you were always alone but never lonely.*

©The Indomitable


The law of life.

“There’s a powerful story about a little boy walking along the bank of a river. He sees a crocodile who is trapped in a net. The crocodile says, “Would you have pity on me and release me? I may look ugly, but it isn’t my fault, you know. I was made this way. But whatever my external appearance, I have a mother’s heart. I came this morning in search of food for my young ones and got caught in this trap!” So the boy says, “Ah, if I were to help you out of that trap, you’d grab me and kill me.” The crocodile asks, “Do you think I would do that to my benefactor and liberator?” So the boy is persuaded to take the net off and the crocodile grabs him. As he is being forced between the jaws of the crocodile, he says, “So this is what I get for my good actions.” And the crocodile says, “Well, don’t take it personally, son, this is the way the world is, this is the law of life.” The boy disputes this, so the crocodile says, “Do you want to ask someone if it isn’t so?” The boys sees a bird sitting on a branch and says, “Bird, is what the crocodile says right?” The bird says, “The crocodile is right. Look at me. I was coming home one day with food for my fledglings. Imagine my horror to see a snake crawling up the tree, making straight for my nest. I was totally helpless. It kept devouring my young ones, one after the other. I kept screaming and shouting, but it was useless. The crocodile is right, this is the law of life, this is the way the world is.” “See,” says the crocodile. But the boy says, “Let me ask someone else.” So the crocodile says, “Well, all right, go ahead.” There was an old donkey passing by on the bank of the river. “Donkey,” says the boy, “this is what the crocodile says. Is the crocodile right?” The donkey says, “The crocodile is quite right. Look at me. I’ve worked and slaved for my master all my life and he barely gave me enough to eat. Now that I’m old and useless, he has turned me loose, and here I am wandering in the jungle, waiting for some wild beast to pounce on me and put an end to my life. The crocodile is right, this is the law of life, this is the way the world is.” “See,” says the crocodile. “Let’s go!” The boy says, “Give me one more chance, one last chance. Let me ask one other being. Remember how good I was to you?” So the crocodile says, “All right, your last chance.” The boy sees a rabbit passing by, and he says, “Rabbit, is the crocodile right?” The rabbit sits on his haunches and says to the crocodile, “Did you say that to that boy? The crocodile says, Yes, I did.” “Wait a minute,” says the rabbit. “We’ve got to discuss this.” “Yes,” says the crocodile. But the rabbit says, “How can we discuss it when you’ve got that boy in your mouth? Release him; he’s got to take part in the discussion, too.” The crocodile says, “You’re a clever one, you are. The moment I release him, he’ll run away.” The rabbit says, “I thought you had more sense than that. If he attempted to run away, one slash of your tail would kill him.” “Fair enough,” says the crocodile, and he released the boy. The moment the boy is released, the rabbit says, “Run!” And the boy runs and escapes. Then the rabbit says to the boy, “Don’t you enjoy crocodile flesh? Wouldn’t the people in your village like a good meal? You didn’t really release that crocodile; most of his body is still caught in that net. Why don’t you go to the village and bring everybody and have a banquet.” That’s exactly what the boy does. He goes to the village and calls all the menfolk. They come with their axes and staves and spears and kill the crocodile. The boy’s dog comes, too, and when the dog sees the rabbit, he gives chase, catches hold of the rabbit, and throttles him. The boy comes on the scene too late, and as he watches the rabbit die, he says, “The crocodile was right, this is the way the world is, this is the law of life.”
There is no explanation you can give that would explain away all the sufferings and evil and torture and destruction and hunger in the world! You’ll never explain it. You can try gamely with your formulas, religious and otherwise, but you’ll never explain it. Because life is a mystery, which means your thinking mind cannot make sense out of it. For that you’ve got to wake up and then you’ll suddenly realize that reality is not problematic, you are the problem.

(adapted from Awareness by Anthony de Mello]

©The Archetype

pursuit of perfection?

As human beings we have this ideology strongly wired in our brains, that we have to be perfect. We tend to live our lives pursuing perfectionism, but no one has ever made it to be perfect. 
The pursuit of perfection I always view it as an illusion. The same a donkey is illusioned with a carrot placed right before its mouth is the same case with perfection. 

Wanting to be perfect is the surest way to sadness.

Making mistakes is human and getting mad with ourselves whenever we make mistakes is like being mad because we are human. That’s being hostile and inhuman to yourself.

We are meant to commit mistakes.

You can be sure that the person you are today is as a result of all the mistakes you have been making in your entire life. We are largely influenced by the mistakes we commit. 

Mistakes are not only proof that you are tying but also signs for success. Once you realize your mistakes and learn from them you move even more closer to where you would like to be.

 Once you get mad because of your mistakes you never make any effort to learn, you start seeking to be perfect. 

Sometimes we tend to run from our past. We tend to develop a polarity to our past. we constantly say to ourselves, “Ignore you past. Don’t focus on your past instead focus on your future”.

I never forsake my past. I learn from it.

I happen to have a list of some of my biggest mistakes and I constantly go through it. I never run from them.

It’s all about understanding your mistakes.

And whenever I make mistakes I don’t go to the “thinking corner” of my bed. Instead, I remind myself that I don’t have to be perfect and I was never meant to be one. I focus on understanding myself each time, everyday.

©The Archetype 

Not just a Story.

A man found an eagle’s egg and put it in a nest of a barnyard hen. The eaglet hatched with the brood of chicks and grew up with them.

All his life the eagle did what the barnyard chicks did, thinking he was a barnyard chicken. He scratched the earth for worms and insects. He clucked and cackled. And he would thrash his wings and fly a few feet into the air.

Years passed and the eagle grew very old. One day he saw a magnificent bird above him in the cloudless sky. It glided in graceful majesty among the powerful wind currents, with scarcely a beat of its strong golden wings.

The old eagle looked up in awe. “Who’s that?” he asked.

“That’s the eagle, the king of the birds,” said his neighbor. “He belongs to the sky. We belong to the earth—we’re chickens.” So the eagle lived and died a chicken, for that’s what he thought he was. 
          ©The Archetype

An open letter to fellow Kenyans.

Dear Kenyans,
Fellow Citizens, I write to you today not because I am convinced that I know but because I am convinced I should not keep quiet. I write this letter to you today because of this unwavering confidence that I have on the power that words possess; the power to impart lasting change.

It is with great hope that I am convinced from inside that these words ain’t going to be just words, but words that can bring a new era in our nation. An era of peace, togetherness, tribalism free, corruption free and ethnicity free.

The status is alarming, that’s why I am finding it more than a necessity for me to echo things out.

The ‘Uhuru’ that we celebrate every year is in danger. The freedom that had been fought so hard is in jeopardy. Though it’s past a jubilee since we thought we had fully attained independence, it doesn’t seem like.

Our mama land is growing more and more inhabitable day by day. It’s growing less hospitable every time we misuse the key each one of us is endowed with to bring dawn to our country. It’s growing less ours everyday, having only if there is, a fraction of an inch to cling on at the narrow end of the pyramid.

With fellow Citizens starving in some forgotten corners  our country, should I say all is well with me?

With people of my own going thirsty, is it safe for me to say all is well?

But do we live in a desert? No. Not at all. I refuse to accept that no matter how many times I am meant to believe so. There is enough food to feed our hungry stomachs and enough water to quench our thirst.

Should I say all is well with me, when the economy is so cruel on me, giving me that troubled look seeking even that single coin remaining in my pocket?

In the words of Martin Luther King jnr, ” we begin to die the day we decide not to speak of the truth”.

So,  Is all fine from where you sit?

We are living in a Kenya where we are afraid of each other. I am afraid of the world you live in and you are afraid of mine in turn. I am afraid of expressing my ideas and you are afraid of sharing yours in turn.

A Kenyan rising against a fellow Kenyan, tribe against another and community arming itself against another community. Slaughtering of the innocents. Brotherhood?

You know I was also scared of speaking out. I was scared of being confronted and being mistaken for a pessimist. Being confronted for not talking of the all the infrastructural developments already accomplished and many others underway, but instead pin pointing the ‘ cancers’ and ‘ leprosys’ befalling this nation.

To be sincere I was also feeling the same, but it’s a crisis. I am convinced I should say.

People are thirst and starving out of ignorance. It’s our ignorance that has been gathering generation after generation responsible for the unfathomable effects we all share.

But should the generations coming also suffer out of our ignorance? No. Not at all.

I say this not because I am too dreamy, or I am trying to be a visionary. Instead, I am writing this because I feel this is the ultimate way to secure a more  hospitable, habitable and romantic home not only for ourselves but also for the children of our children who largely depend on the decisions we make today.

It’s time therefore as a country we accept that the ship that was bestowed to us by the men and women who proved to be heroes, that it’s drowning while we are deep asleep in our ignorance, watering it to breed more and more ,if in case we happen to move out of our heavy blankets.

It’s roots are evidently deep now but not too deep for one people. A people who stand  up together. A people who have a common purpose,  destined for a tribalism free, corruption free and ethnicity free nation.

Initially, as I thought I was filled with fear and worry. But now, as I sit down to communicate this out not to myself alone but to the entire nation, I cannot hide the confidence that I am filled with.

It’s my hope that we all team up, from all corners of our country and declare war to tribalism, corruption and ethnicity.

It’s my hope that we all put our tribes aside and work as one people to make our mama land great.

It is my hope that we all join hands and speak ,and sing this same language.

To those who are still wondering whether the glass from which we all drink from, whether it is half-full or half-empty, may I clarify to you that it is refillable for one people.

Yes it’s possible. Let’s make it possible.

Thank you.

Sincerely yours, Fellow Citizen
© The Archetype